• girl: babe come over
  • boy: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple
  • girl: my parents aren't home
  • boy: I know

devilbatghost:

Next person in my life that goes on about “oh my god i’m trash i’m garbage” i’m just walking away never coming back no more selfloathing movement 2kinfinity

#same  

(via johnlurie)

alltheladiesyouhate:

Salt & Pepper Diner is a good joke but this is my favorite bit of John Mulaney’s

(via belinsky)

i’m not sure that i see how the hannibal finale made sense on a thematic level

plot, sure 

whenever i see these ‘motivational’ text posts like “don’t ever let somebody tell you that you’re not good enough, you are 100% good enough”, i think, what if they’re actually just terrible? what if they just straight up suck

and-down-we-go:

My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but she hit send when all it said was

Hi Jeffrey,
      I am afraid

#classic  

(via elledrivers)

#snort  #lost  
27,541 plays

rabidwerewolfie:

gameandwatch:

I actually really like this song.

#oh man  

drgero:

komeweenie:

i cHOKED ON MY PEPSI MOTHERFUCKER 

SHIT

(via sexhaver)